So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
