My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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