This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
