Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I died a long time ago.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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