I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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