is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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