u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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