I can tuck mytits in my pants
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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