My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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