hell yes lets make some ravioli
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
