I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I sprained my soul last night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
