How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
