I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
