she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How external is "for external use only"?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
