I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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