I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
