I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
