actually, I'm a sock model
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
