you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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