I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
