he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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