I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
