Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
