somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
