did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
