Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
