I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize