You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Randomize
