I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
