At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
