Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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