if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
