He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
