I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
