Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
