its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
