I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
PANTIES FOUND
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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