I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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