When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
