I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can't put those talents on a resume
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
