haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Drunk is not a location!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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