Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
