At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
