Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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