remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
