Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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