she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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