I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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