i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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