How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
