two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
