Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
