I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They have beer where we have blood.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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