We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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