The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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