he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
