I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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