i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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