Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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