Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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