i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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