I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
