I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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