And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
