I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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