He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
