i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
