Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
