this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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