it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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