I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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