The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
