Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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