I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
