i wish peter jackson would direct porn
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
